“I’ll house-sit while you’re on the moon,” I told her.
My niece has declared she will be an astronaut when she grows up.
And with all of the sass and grit and fearlessness that can be contained in her little six-year-old body, I have no doubt she is capable.
But that she will make it to the moon is not likely, of course.
Though we won’t know at which point exactly - at one point, or maybe the combination of several - her plans for the future will change.
And though I don’t know how her story will go, I suspect it will be her belief in herself that will wane over time that will spark that change.
This belief - often called a limiting belief - keeps our feet planted firmly on the ground, focused on the here and now.
Limiting beliefs bring us back to Earth when our daydreams turn into plans - and then to distant memories.
Can you pinpoint your limiting beliefs? This awareness has been so key for me in my own journey with imposter syndrome.
P.S. Erin Brown and I talking all things imposter syndrome - including those limiting beliefs - in one of two upcoming sessions. Learn more here.
The more things change...
When was the last time you used your business cards?
I'm officially out, and before I order another bunch, pause as I ponder if business cards will be another casualty of 2020.
And before you tell me they've been out of fashion for years - I'll mention that here in the insurance industry, well, we're just a smidge behind the times. (wink)
Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda
“Did she really just say what I think she said?” I asked myself.
“Stop should-ing on yourself,” said the facilitator of the session I was attending.
After asking if she’d repeat herself, I smiled with understanding - and saw myself in her words.
I should be _________.
I should feel _________.
I should do _________.
There’s a lot of should-ing happening right now - I’m hearing it in nearly every conversation I have with the insurance salespeople I coach.
But none more than from those who’ve made their careers in the industry and are now adding “teacher” to their resume.
I’m not a parent, but am watching in awe as you who are make this all work - while you work.
As I see you should-ing on yourself in this moment, I hope you can also:
Be as you are in this moment.
Feel as you are in this moment.
Do as you are in this moment.
I’m a fan of setting one small, short-term goal to feel the emotional high of achieving a win. What’s one small goal you can set for yourself today? Mine is in the comments!
P.S. If for no other reason than a tiny act of self-care, carve out one hour to chat about imposter syndrome with me and Erin Brown in one of two complimentary sessions on 9/3 and 9/9. Learn more here.
Make the call
“Freaking imposter syndrome! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!”
When she sent this message to me, well, let’s just say my friend was having a moment.
And in this moment, she was feeling equal parts overwhelmed and underqualified.
In the conversation that followed, together we went down the rabbit hole - all the way down.
She’ll never learn - and never catch up.
Her boss thinks she’s incompetent.
Surely she’s going to be fired.
So she should just look for a new job before they fire her from this one, right?
The thing about imposter syndrome - and that’s exactly what this is - is that once you can sense it creeping up, you can change course. You can change your behavior and you can create a different outcome.
But this is a new skill for so many of us.
So what can you do about it?
You can talk about it. And I’m so glad that she did.
When was the last time you checked in with your closest friend or mentor? I’m off to message mine now!
P.S. I’m teaming up with Erin Brown again - and together we’ll explore how imposter syndrome manifests in our lives and our work. I hope you’ll join us for one of two complimentary sessions here.
In one word
Are you up for a challenge?
Drop one word in the comments here that describes the feeling your ideal client will have when working with you.
Now head over to your profile and the last handful of posts you shared here and count the number of times that word appears.
I’ll wait, no problem.
Insurance agents, we’re missing it.
While we obsess about coverage and squeeze the underwriter for one more percent, we’ve abandoned our client.
With a doubt hangover from their past terrible experience dealing with insurance, we are missing the chance to make a deeper connection.
A connection rooted in emotion that transcends the sale of an insurance policy.
And that makes the choice to work with us so obviously clear.
Showing up in this way is different.
It’s clumsy and it’s awkward but you can do it.
And your future clients want you to.
Bring your LinkedIn questions - and any others - to the first Ask Me Anything I’ll be hosting on Tuesday; register to join me for this complimentary session here.
I Hate Insurance
He lowered his head as he whispered “I hate insurance.”
He thought the divulging of his dark secret would stop me in my tracks, but I hear it often.
Alas, what we have isn’t a problem with insurance - it’s a problem within many of us who've accidentally chosen a career here.
You see, insurance is, fundamentally, a beautiful thing.
It exists to restore us - to make us whole at the time we are most vulnerable - physically and financially.
But as insurance salespeople, we are often out of alignment.
We are empathetic listeners, heads down in spreadsheets looking for errors in the math.
We are energetic leaders, shamed for losing the deal.
We are heart-centered problem-solvers, dialing for dollars.
Your gifts - the ones that come naturally and that bring you joy - can and should shine in the work you do.
Know that where you are and where you want to go are not that far apart.
Small tweaks - that’s all it takes - can lead to great shifts in the alignment between you and your work.
“Alignment” reminds me of the braces I wore to straighten my teeth that I hated at the time but am grateful for today - did you wear them, too?
P.S. I'm holding my first Ask Me Anything next week - please join me!
One quarter of one century
My first car was a 1987 Plymouth Reliant station wagon.
“Woody,” as she became known, was baby blue with wood paneling.
The radio only knew one station – the AM talk radio my grandfather, from whom my brother and I’d inherited the car, listened to fanatically – so I buckled a boombox in on the passenger seat next to me.
So cutting edge. So many batteries.
I drove so many miles in that car that year I turned 16, singing along to the tapes I’d made. Tapes!
But none more than Alanis Morissette’s anthem, “You Oughta Know.”
She didn’t know it, of course, but she’d written the soundtrack to my first heartache.
And I was convinced that she had written it just for me.
Today, as her latest album - it’s been 8 years since her last – plays next to me, I’m planning the next leap in my business.
And I’m reminded of that girl I was 25 years ago.
She was curious, reserved, cautious.
I’ve missed Alanis’ words and her melodies – and am grateful for their return.
And I’m grateful for the reminder of all the places I’ve been – and where I’ve yet to go.
We are capable of so much, aren't we?
Take a trip down memory lane with me and tell me about your first car…I’d love to hear about it below.
Know when to hold 'em...
"We are treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated."
Would you agree?
When it comes to the work we do as insurance salespeople, I agree wholeheartedly.
One of the most impactful realizations we can have, after all, is that we ourselves want a different experience with our clients.
But the most powerful?
The confidence to communicate this to the person whom you know is not for you.
In practice, this means listening for cues from your potential client.
Is she rushing the process?
Is he dismissing your questions?
Are they questioning your expertise?
“Tell me about the experience you’ve had buying insurance in the past.” is one of my favorite questions to ask a potential client.
It always reveals so much more.
Not every potential client can - or should - be rehabilitated, and only we can decide which way we’ll go.
When we are clear and confident within ourselves, we create space for those who will truly value the work we do.
I'd love to know: What are some tell-tale signs that let you know a client isn't for you? Share in the comments below, please!
...with a side of Risk, please.
I hate roller coasters.
But solo international travel? {My bag is packed}
Cozying up to the bar for dinner and a glass of wine by myself? {Make it an Italian red}
Home-remodeling plans that might be a bit “advanced” for my skillset? {I know I left my sledgehammer somewhere around here}
But rest assured that I will willingly - and joyfully - stand at the base of any amusement park ride, holding your funnel cake and awaiting your death-defying play-by-play upon your return.
In insurance, we’d call my response in each of these scenarios my “risk tolerance.”
You have one, too, and it is uniquely yours.
But in insurance, we don’t yet have a word for the sum of the emotions that fuel each response - yes or no - from our clients.
As insurance agents, the clients you serve have their own risk tolerance, too, that is fueled by emotion.
Do you know what it is?
Your clients - current and future - are ready to have a different kind of conversation with you, and helping you try on this new language is the work I do. Message me to learn more.
I'd love to know: Are you with me on roller coasters? How about the other activities I mentioned?
Do you see what I see?
Have you ever been so close to something that you no longer see it?
Working inside the insurance industry for the entirety of my career, it was my relationship with risk.
As an underwriter, I learned to say “yes” to the newer building and “no” to the older one.
“Yes” to the driver with two moving violations and “no” to the one with three.
Facts, potential outcomes, and a decision to be made.
Simple, right?
But it wasn’t until I stepped away a few years ago that I truly appreciated how complicated our own relationship with risk can be.
And that has nothing to do with insurance.
We say “yes” to first dates and “no” to second.
We say “yes” to job opportunities that we then quit six months later.
Sometimes we get it right. And others it seems we get it so wrong.
It takes a lifetime to shape our relationship with risk - watch (or listen) as Silvia Li and I spend a few minutes talking through my 3 Success Secrets to Taking Risks.
Rest assured, you won’t hear “suck it up” or “just do it.”
Connect with Silvia for more conversations like ours, and if you’d like to dig into your own relationship with risk at your own pace, learn more here.